Yet again I was caught totally off guard when Harefield Hospital rang on Friday morning with a potential transplant offer. It seems incredibly ironic to be so surprised that something you are so desperately and anxiously waiting for actually seems to be happening! Fortunately the plumber who had been visiting to fix our leaky bathroom taps had left and Luke and I were actually admiring his handiwork when the call came!
I shall not bore you with the details of the drive or the procedure that I went through at Harefield Hospital as it was very much the same as the last time I was called. Except that I had time to have a shower before donning the haute couture fashion item that is the blue hospital gown... I felt so sorry for the transplant coordinator who had to come into my hospital room at about 4pm and tell us that unfortunately the donor lungs were not viable (which they do not know until the retrieval team assess them at the donor hospital). It must be so, so hard to deliver such disappointing news. However, it does give me confidence in the fact that the medical teams do thoroughly examine the lungs (or whichever organ is in question) and any potential organ donation recipient will be receiving organs in the best condition possible.
The hardest part of all of this is the fact that to get over the fear of the imminent operation and the list of risks associated with it one has to look past that and hoping that all goes well, focus on the life that will be post transplant... So when that is ripped out from underneath you, it’s pretty darned devastating. However, my wonderful husband and amazing family have really helped to keep my chin up! What of my friends? Well I decided that I would post what was, or was potentially happening on Facebook as it is an easy way to keep extended family and friends aware of what was happening. The response through comments and emails was truly overwhelming. Thank you so much for all of your support and kind words. It really helped me get through the disappointment. As did meeting up with my dear friends Hannah and Jess the next day for a good old catch up to celebrate Hannah’s birthday! (I must admit I had a stiff drink!)
I believe it is incredibly important to remain positive and keep hopeful. I do rely heavily on my relationship with God at these times and I know I often end my blogs with a particular verse, but there are so many I could pick right now! All I will say is that, although life doesn’t always go the way I planned (not that I’ve ever been one of those ‘where will I be in five years’ type of people!), or would like, all I can do is just roll with it and take each experience and let it build me into a stronger (hopefully?!) person. I have learnt to relinquish control of what cannot be changed no matter how much I worry and focus on things like keeping myself as well as possible and living each day to the fullest.
Whilst I am really disappointed that the call did not result in shiny new lungs for me on Friday, I take joy in the fact that I DID get another call, so now I have to remain hopeful that another call WILL come.